I will admit it publicly – I watch Grey’s Anatomy. On and off again over the years, I will tune in and check up on the MerDer love affair. Let’s be honest, it has a lot more to do with McDreamy than it does with Meredith. And, while I’m making admissions this morning, I’ll also admit to watching this show while following the live Twitter discussion. This is my social connection on Thursday night people! It’s always a wild ride that takes me on a nice emotional release towards the end of my week. Yeah, I’m one of those #TGIT people – sue me, or pity me… whatever. 

But last night – for the love of all Shonda Rhimes – last night you broke my heart! The way Derek Shepherd was killed off was too raw, too intimate, and just too painful. This episode went beyond your average drama, this death felt so personal. This is a character I’ve loved for 10 years! Killing off Derek kills Greys for me. Period. 

Why, do I do this to myself? WHY??? When the producers of Magnum P.I. killed Thomas Sullivan Magnum off at the end of season 7, I was undone! Thankfully, Tom Selleck came to his senses and signed up for another season, giving fans a season 8 with a much more satisfying and tidy ending. This is why I stalked – er, followed him -onto a TWA flight to Los Angeles in the early ’90s. Although that’s another story altogether, suffice it to say I needed to thank him personally for giving me that ending. He’s the best!

It’s a whole level of crazy to get emotionally connected to TV characters. I realize I have a slight weakness here (you think?), and this is why I really don’t watch much TV. Life is wearing enough, without excess or unreal emotional pain! I guess somehow I need a little bit of release from watching other people process pain. Somehow this makes me feel …better? But man, that is SO messed up. I’m upset about the fact I even feel that’s a little bit true (much less that I wrote it down!)   

Today I’m resolved in giving up TV drama. When your kids feel a need to circle around you and comfort you after a FAKE PERSON DIES, it’s gone too far…just too far. I’m done with spilling tears over unreal life events. Of course, I will attend the funeral on next week’s episode because it’s right to honor the life and memory of Dr. Shepherd. But, after that, I’m totally done. For real! I’m serious! After the funeral and once I know that Meredith and the kids are okay, I’m giving up TV drama forever.